Motiv: Esra Rotthoff

This is Not Me


Bu Ben Değilim (This is Not Me) tells the story of gay men who have had to marry women to hide their sexual orientation in the face of societal and family pressure in Turkey, and their own internal conflicts.

The three main characters of the film, Mustafa, Mehmet and Yusuf migrated to İstanbul from small towns and come from conservative families. The film reveals each characters’ world: exhausted from continually playing at social roles and lying about their identity, faltering between their reality and their dreams, frustrated and stuck in their lives. It also looks at the subject from the aspect of women who are the other victims of these marriages. 

Mehmet and Yusuf, both married to women, act the part of heterosexual males and family men within their own social circles. Privately, however, they are passionately in love with their male lovers and can only live their truth within the parallel lives they have built with them. The driving character of the film, Mustafa, is Mehmet’s lover of 15 years. Mustafa describes Mehmet as a »homophobic homosexual«. During the first couple of years of their relationship Mehmet violently abused Mustafa because of guilt. In the film we see Mustafa trying to put this very passionate but equally traumatic relationship in the past. Mehmet, however, has no desire to let go of Mustafa.

Direction & Script Jeyan Kader Gülşen & Zekiye Kaçak Bakırhan
Cut Jeyan Kader Gülşen & Zekiye Kaçak Bakırhan Production Jeyan Kader Gülşen Music Vedat Yıldırım & Cansun Küçüktürk Sound Design Cenker Kökten Director of Photography Christian Feiland Colorist Bora Gökşingöl Poster Design Yer Creative With Mustafa, Mehmet, Yusuf

Introduction in the Studio Foyer at 5:45 pm

Film in Türkçe with English subtitles

As part of Queer Week 2024

Poster: This is Not Me